Life Beyond the Armor
Emerge into who you really are.
What if the thing holding you back isn't who you are, but how you've learned to hide?
We understand feeling stuck in life—when your relationships lack the depth and connection you crave, or when you feel like you’re spinning your wheels in pursuit of the things that truly matter to you. There could be a reason for this struggle that may be entirely new to you: Throughout our lives, each of us consciously or unconsciously constructs protective armor against social pain, developing what we call "social hiding." It happens in countless ways, whether staying invisible, pushing people away, constantly trying to impress others, or however your own experience shaped you. While such behaviors keep you safe in the first place, they can ultimately limit you from living as who you really are. At its core, social hiding stems from protecting the parts of ourselves that we've learned to feel are unsafe to reveal in the world. It may be that all you need are the tools to develop mastery with your own social hiding so that your life is enhanced rather than hindered. Life Beyond the Armor offers tools for developing that mastery.
You're Not Broken. You're Human.
Social hiding isn't a character flaw—it's a universal human response to “social pain” — any interaction with a person or people that leaves you feeling diminished, shamed, embarrassed, broken-hearted or hurt in any other non-physical way. Our brains create protective patterns to keep us safe when the pain occurs, always as the most natural, logical choice in the moment. The problem is, even when we no longer need the protection, it stays in place, creating an invisible barrier to the lives we truly want.
We don’t typically hide in all areas of life. You may be fully yourself in one area of your life while hiding in another: The confident keynote speaker who bolts from the room when required to speak one-on-one with the audience members. The single person who won’t date but loves parties. The charming friend who makes all the plans but avoids parties like the plague. The creative soul who never shares their art but is an encouraging teacher.
We bury our greatness to protect ourselves—sometimes so deep we don't know it's there. Life Beyond the Armor helps it emerge.
If you’re reading this page you probably have the sense, maybe the nagging feeling, that you are meant for something. Maybe what you’re meant for is clear as day, maybe it’s simply “I know I’m meant for something more than this.”
In “It’s a Wonderful Life”, George Bailey knows he’s meant for building grand things like skyscrapers and bridges. He’s not alone in that. Others commonly say things like:
I’ve always known I’m meant to be a father
I’m an artist. It’s who I am.
I just want to make the world a better place.
I’ve always pictured my life filled with the people I love.
Social hiding stems from normal brain functioning.
Neuroscience research* shows that our need for connection is even greater than our needs for food, shelter and other basics. We don’t just “get over it” when we experience social pain—rejection, humiliation, criticism, etc. etch themselves into our brains which encode protective patterns in response. These patterns often form early, or so subtly we don’t even notice it’s happening, so we’re left thinking it’s just "who we are”; limited in ways that appear to come naturally for others.
The fact is, like it or not, everything we do is measured against “what will people think of me?” Anybody who says they don’t care what people think might mean “I care what people think but I do what I want anyway.” Or maybe it’s just aspirational— We are built to prioritize what people think of us. The need for acceptance never goes away. But having it stop us in life can get really old.
Our internal dialogue is so non-stop that we often don’t consciously hear it anymore. But it’s always there, doing everything in its power to keep us safe from social pain, whether we hear it or not.
Life Beyond the Armor gives you tools to align with your inner voice—the greatness you are simply because you're human. Imagine a world where people stopped hiding who they really are. Imagine the connection, the innovation, the art and beauty we'd see every day. You are that world, one person at a time.
Social hiding is mostly invisible to us, hiding in plain sight.
We typically don’t see our own hiding. Sometimes, people identify it in us as something disparaging, like, “She’s so insecure.” or “He’s a pompous jerk.” Surprisingly, as common and as powerful as social hiding is, it has never really been isolated as its own field of study. Hiding is referenced as a function of something else in various contexts including the Autism spectrum, clinical psychology, 12-Step programs and more, but only as that. In fact, according to numerous AI searches, Life Beyond the Armor is the first effort to give the social hiding phenomenon its own focus in full, as a means to live a more self-aware, empowered life.
Or maybe it’s not so surprising that social hiding hasn’t been made a focus unto itself — it isn’t a purely psychological phenomenon. It’s a result of a complicated interplay of biological, psychological, and sociocultural variables, all as unique and individual as there are human beings in this world. So social hiding doesn’t fit neatly into any larger field of study, and there are few if any one-size-fits-all mandates involved. It exists between the cracks, hiding in plain sight.
Sometimes social hiding is absolutely the right choice to make.
The goal is never to completely stop hiding—that would be impossible, and unfair to attempt. Hiding isn’t a hinderance across the board! Rather, it's:
Sometimes absolutely necessary — If you're in an environment where people would make your life miserable just for being you, hiding is the best thing to do. Your physical and emotional safety always comes first!
Your right — Within the limits of law and ethics, nobody has an inherent right to know anything about you.
A matter of choice — Once you’ve gained mastery over your social hiding, you can choose to hide or not to hide. Knowing how to choose hiding can be an important life skil. The object is to embrace that hiding without guilt or shame.
If you’re one of the many people who feels guilt or shame around your social hiding, see our What We Offer page for our “Shame-Free, Guilt-Free Social Hiding” tool.